I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
