you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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