hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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