No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
