its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Lo siento on account of my penis...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
