Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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