love makes seman taste better
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Panties = found
Randomize