the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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