So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
