she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
