Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize