did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
