Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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