if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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