I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
