Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize