Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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