too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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