Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
