"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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