How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
