I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
