I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Fuck appropriateness.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
