My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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