Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize