you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
