Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
tell me about the eggs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
