matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
