I'm really into asian looking animals
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize