I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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