I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
