my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
