a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
