I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
