I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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