just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
