I don't remember. Are we still dating?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
