and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
