I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
