He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
