Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
