I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
