you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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