she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
