My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
