the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
