Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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