wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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