if you like me you must not know who I am
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
