So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
