Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
