If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i need to put some appletini on your dick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
