The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
