On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
