You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
