I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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