I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Don't make out with my wife yet
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
