i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
