She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
