Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
