Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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