Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
