Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
