the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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