weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
