We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
