Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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