Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize