I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize