Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
